Esoerotic Alchemy: Embodying The Magnum Opus
Esoeroticism™ is the only movement modality that alchemizes erotic embodiment with esoteric magick.
In 2017 I coined the term “Esoerotic” and started teaching it at my now dearly departed studio Minx + Muse in Austin, Texas. Since then, the modality has grown, shifted, and evolved from more conventional dance classes into deeply transformational somatic rituals. And though the work has now rooted into something profoundly unique, I would never consider even the earliest of experiences to be mundane because Esoeroticism has always been the electrifying love child of sensuous dance and high magick.
The morally reprehensible but historically influential Aleister Crowley defined magick as “the art and science of causing change to occur in conformity with the will.” And so for any mystical working, we must have a definable intention.
It was specifically my studies of Chaos Magick that inspired my recognition that dance could be ritualized for a greater purpose beyond fitness and funsies. And it was through this understanding—combined with my deep personal exploration—that the greater sacred “will” of this work emerged: to guide people to reclaim their sexual sovereignty, bodily autonomy, and primal wisdom.
Esoeroticism is a combination of the words “esoteric” and “erotic”. So erotic: sexual, sensual, primal. Then esoteric: hidden, within, enigmatic. The prefix “eso” means internal, so this movement is inherently personal versus performative.
There is a definable Esoerotic Ritual formula that inspires all of our experiences and makes them magickal portals for this reclamation, but before we get into the how, I want to swim in the depths of the why.
Esoeroticism is the most potent, powerful magick I’ve ever cast. And I assure you, I’ve dabbled in all sorts of witchy workings! Invoking spirits, candle spells, enchanting talismans, crystal channeling, divinatory circles… and the list goes on. And many of these tools are still within my practice! But they aren’t on the same level. Because in all of these other workings, we’re operating with the belief that the magick resides outside of us. But in Esoeroticism, we radically affirm that magick is—and always has been—within us.
“L’Envoûteuse” (The Sorceress) by Georges Merle, 1883
What an empowering shift! And so culturally timely. Neptune (the planet of spirituality) recently entered Aries (the sign of individual self-assertion) and will remain there through 2039. Meaning, amongst other things, that this is a once in a lifetime experience of spiritual sovereignty, which is perfectly aligned with how we experience and embody Esoeroticism as a means of self-sourced sacredness.
If this sounds grandiose, that’s because it is!
In fact, the transformational magick of Esoeroticism is inherently aligned with the alchemical process of the Magnum Opus.
Magnum Opus, Latin for “Great Work”, is a term used in Hermetic magick to encapsulate the greater purpose of spiritual alchemy: to achieve “enlightened” self-transcendence through subconscious transformation, integration, and ultimately uniting with divine wholeness.
The Magnum Opus is distilled into 4 stages:
Stage 1: Nigredo (Blackening)
Stage 2: Albedo (Whitening)
Stage 3: Citrinitas (Yellowing)
Stage 4: Rubedo (Reddening)
Like “The Great Work”, Esoeroticism is rooted in spiritual alchemy, or the metaphorical transmutation of lead into gold through the Philosopher’s Stone. This is not a one-and-done ritual, but rather a life-long pursuit and refinement where as spiritual seekers we transform lower “lead” aspects of ourselves—separation, repression, ignorance—into higher “golden” aspects of self—wisdom, enlightenment, and divine connection. This is an inner versus outer process, just as Esoeroticism is a personal versus performative practice.
I’m going to take you on an alchemical journey where I will distill the Esoerotic process of transmuting metaphorical lead into gold through each of these stages.
And in doing so, I’m also going to challenge conventional wisdom that the Great Work must be rigid, linear, and disciplined. Up until this point, these masculine qualities have ruled high magick. But as we enter a new paradigm, the dark feminine—forced subrosa for too long—is now rising!
Throughout this journey, I’ll also be reminding us:
The body isn’t a cage to escape or a sin to atone for. It’s a sacred tool. And when we learn to honor it rather than battle it, we awaken profound spiritual connection, transformation, and illumination.
Stage 1: Nigredo (Blackening)
This first stage is a breaking down, or dissolution, where we descend into our shadow to recognize where we have repressed and resisted aspects of ourselves. In Esoeroticism, this is where we excavate and reveal our repression and resistance—the shame, fear, judgement, disassociation—we subconsciously possess around our bodies and our sexuality.
The black color of this stage represents that which we cannot see. In other words, it is our shadow.
Carl Jung defined the shadow as the hidden, unconscious side of the personality. The shadow represents the “blind spot” and the “dark” side, which, if unacknowledged, can dominate behavior, lead to projection, and create psychological conflict.
As we say in magick: As is within, so is without. Meaning, what our inner, subconscious believes, so we see reflected in our outer, conscious world. And this is why conscious proclamations and behaviors alone are not enough to change our reality.
Keep in mind throughout our alchemical journey that the ultimate pursuit of Esoeroticism is to reclaim our sexual sovereignty, bodily autonomy, and primal wisdom. I see so many people try to do this through cerebral activities like reading books or listening to podcasts, or through performative acts like dressing, acting, or physically presenting in perceivably sexual ways. And though these may give the information or illusion of empowered autonomy, they cannot override the truth that exists deeper within us.
In Esoerotic Nigredo, we finally realize that our transformation is not surface or relationship-level, and therefore things like merely talking about it, losing weight, or even having kinkier sex ain’t the answer. This is the stage where we finally stop seeking without and go within.
And it is from here that we can experience the essence of Nigredo: putrefaction, or the breakdown and release of the old self.
The self that believes that our bodies and sexuality are inherent sources of shame, that their value is in looking or being consumable, that expressing or showing them are unsafe, and that they exist merely for the pleasure of others.
Especially as womxn and femmes, this has been our life-long conditioning through media, religion, social structures, economic and political systems, and more nefariously through predators and abusers.
Speaking specifically to our sexuality, we’re taught that it’s something that we must save for a partner, but that we should be really good at it to keep them, and that to express it is degrading, but that by expressing it we can also get ahead in work and in social situations, but that it has to look a specific way (which we can achieve through consumerism), but then once we look that way we have the right to be treated like an object, though even if we don’t look that way we are inherently flaunting it so we need to cover ourselves lest we invite temptation, and even if we do nothing to invite the temptation if others want it they can take because there are seemingly no repercussions anyway…
I mean, how can we NOT have a shadow around our sexuality?!
As a reminder: our shadows are hidden. So many people believing themselves to be sexually sovereign are completely unaware of the fact that they are actually still operating from outer influence. In fact I would be willing to bet that a majority of womxn and femmes—the demographic I identify and mostly work with—have never fully experienced their sexuality (and by extension their bodies and primal knowing) beyond some kind of external relationship or system of control.
So in order to reclaim our sexual sovereignty, bodily autonomy, and primal wisdom, we must first recognize that they need to be reclaimed in the first place!
I’ve worked with hundreds if not thousands of people within this modality, and even those with the most seemingly empowered relationship to their bodies and erotic nature benefit from going through this stage. The Magnum Opus is a life-long pursuit which is why I used the phrase “refinement” earlier—because both The Great Work and Esoeroticism recognize that we have layers of self perpetually being influenced throughout our Earthly journey.
If you go through our “Esoerotic Awakening” beginner experience we enter Nigredo through a fairly obvious shadow work process: we have journal prompts where we personally reflect on where we’ve felt the shame, fear, judgement, and disassociation around our bodies and sexuality. And though it can be an insightful way to begin our alchemical transformation and to convey that this is not a typical dance class, this exercise is not the stage itself. In fact, this type of conscious reflection is not even necessary in order to enter Nigredo because the truth of the shadow is ultimately revealed through the movement itself.
It’s revealed when we default to performing our erotic expression rather than simply embodying it. When we feel awkward and uncomfortable by doing something like circling our hips or feel dirty when touching or tracing our bodies. It’s revealed when we experience the cognitive dissonance of expressing our sexuality and there being no one to consume or validate it. It may also look like a spontaneous emotional release through tears or even a freeze response in the body.
In some instances, past memories of unsavory sexual or bodily experiences may emerge, which is why I will always advocate for anyone moving through active trauma to work with a qualified therapist before starting this work.
And though there is the potential to trigger forgotten memories, this is rare because—heartbreakingly—these memories are rarely forgotten. Instead they persist and oftentimes serve as the catalyst to sign up for an Esoerotic experience in the first place: when it’s recognized that something that has felt missing is now ready to be remembered.
For those with no perceived wounding around their bodies or sexuality—especially (in my experience) with those who loudly claim to already be fully in control and in autonomous ownership of these aspects of themselves—what oftentimes emerges is a shadow unknowingly engrained in most of us: a default proclivity to perform for an unperceivable gaze. I don’t share this as a judgement, but as a recognition, because I have absolutely been guilty of this misapprehension myself!
I mentioned performance before so I want to be clear: Esoeroticism has nothing to do with being a comparatively “good” dancer, feeling comfortable stripping off your clothes in front of an audience, or even being confident with a partner in the bedroom. It can be those things, but it’s not synonymous, because in all of those instances your sexual expression is contingent on an “other”. It is something that is projected rather than self-contained and therefore does not stand independently on its own.
The phase of Nigredo in Esoeroticism will be unique for everyone because we each bring our individual life experience and inherent shadow. But ultimately, we all end up in the same place: recognizing that it feels quite foreign and uncomfortable to embody our sexuality fully as our own, and so begins the death and dissolution of the old self.
Without death, there can be no rebirth. And so at this stage we enter the alchemical mortificatio—or killing—of our resistance and repression.
This can be an uncomfortable process, but at this point, there is no turning back. The shadow has been revealed and the Great Work has begun.
Stage 2: Albedo (Whitening)
During the previous “putrefaction” stage, we descended into our shadow to reveal where we’ve repressed and resisted aspects of ourselves. In Esoerotic alchemy, this is where we excavate and reveal the repression and resistance—the shame, the judgement, the disassociation—we subconsciously possess around our bodies and our sexuality.
From here, we enter Albedo, aka the Whitening, which is the phase of illumination and purification where we “heal” through expressing and integrating that which we once repressed and rejected.
In Esoerotic alchemy, this is where we use our dance and erotic movement to bring to consciousness the energetic emotions, beliefs, and programs that were unknowingly hiding in our shadow self—those unknowingly keeping us in resistance from fully claiming our sexual sovereignty, bodily autonomy, and primal wisdom.
One of my least favorite words is “purity” because of its literal puritanical association with the rejection of pleasure and embodied exploration in lieu of rigid views of morality and modesty. Ironically, this is the vast societal influence that leads so many people to this work in the first place!
So when I say “purify”, I don’t mean some religious absolution of our primal “dirty” desires and pursuits (eye roll.) Instead, we’re stripping away the conditioning that our carnal yearnings and expressions are inherently “sinful” to begin with.
This stage is associated with the Moon, and so I like to think of it as the sliver of illumination casting light on our shadow. This isn’t the reclamation itself, this is the clarity that emerges after the confusion and loss of identity in Nigredo. We can now fully witness the parts of ourselves that we were rejecting and see our old patterns with honesty.
And then rather than denying or fighting this shadow awareness, we choose to consciously move through them.
In Esoeroticism, this is where we start to explore our movement and embodied expression, despite the stories that may arise:
We start to circle and undulate our hips, despite it feeling awkward or unnatural.
We allow ourselves to touch on and feel our bodies, despite it feeling improper or vulgar.
We dance sexually and provocatively despite there being no one to receive or validate it.
During Nigredo we uncovered the pervasive influence of the unperceivable gaze: the subconscious conditioning that makes so many of us immediately want to make our movement performative. We imagine being witnessed on stage, by a partner, or through a lens. We want to video ourselves to share on social platforms or to craft routines to be viewed by an audience.
And I will unequivocally say that this is NOT inherently problematic, and in fact can be quite empowering in many ways. But this is not part of our alchemical process, and instead is one of the inclinations we move through in this stage.
In Albedo we return to ourselves.
Who are you without the influence of past experiences, societal programming, external judgement, or validation from others?
Before you were objectified, infantilized, shamed, othered, used, abused, adored, abhorred, etc.
This stage reminds me of the phrase “the only way out is through.” So we stay in motion—in body—where the real alchemical magick happens.
Once we move through this and bathe in the cleansing light of the feminine moon, we become receptive to greater wisdom. And then comes the dawn of a new day as the sun rises…
Stage 3: Citrinitas (Yellowing)
In Nigredo we descended into our shadow to reveal where we’ve repressed and resisted aspects of ourselves. In our Esoerotic alchemy, this is where we excavate and reveal the repression and resistance—the shame, the judgement, the disassociation—we subconsciously possess around our bodies and our sexuality.
Then in Albedo we “healed” through expressing and integrating that which we once repressed and rejected. In Esoerotic alchemy, this is where we use our dance and erotic movement to bring to consciousness the energetic emotions, beliefs, and programs that were unknowingly hiding in our shadow self—those unknowingly keeping us in resistance from fully claiming our sexual sovereignty and bodily autonomy.
But the process isn’t complete, and in fact, at this point we are still lingering in the liminal until we move through Citrinitas.
If Albedo is the Moon, then Citrinitas is the Sun. This is the moment when we no longer depend on the reflections and projections of others and return to our sovereign, autonomous truth.
It’s liberation!
And in Esoeroticism, this happens when we drop into our ritualistic state of Esoerotic Gnosis.
Gnosis is the name the Chaos Magicians gave to the enigmatic state we enter when we shift beyond the conscious, alert self and into the subconscious, receptive self. This is the subconscious sorcery of our modality, and without dropping into this state, there is no alchemy and it is indeed just sexy dance.
This is where we rewrite our realities from the inside out.
Have you heard of the magickal axiom “As is within, so is without”? This states that whatever the subconscious believes is the truth reflected in our external reality. In other words, all of the reading of books, listening to podcasts, following scripts, and changing of external appearances is not enough to reauthor the resistance we met in Albedo. Personal transformation doesn’t happen at the surface, it happens within our depths.
Bringing in the science, this is supported by neuroplasticity which simply states that we have the ability to change and rewire our brains, and therefore our beliefs, patterns, emotional associations, etc. I always chuckle seeing science catch up and finally be able to qualify and quantify techniques that ancient priestesses, occultists, and shamans have known for millennia!
So how do we enter a state of Esoerotic Gnosis? This is a process our ritual guides are trained to facilitate and how we drop out of our head and into our body during our movement rituals through quality of movement, deepening prompts, intentional journeying, and a curated sensory environment.
You may be familiar with other forms of Gnosis-induction techniques such as chanting, drumming, deep states of meditation, breath work, and even orgasm. You can liken it to being in a state of self-hypnotic flow.
You know you’ve reached a state of Esoerotic Gnosis during one of our rituals when all of the sudden you come to awareness after dancing, moving, and erotically expressing for goddess knows how long because you’ve lost track of space and time. You have no memory of what you just did and how long you’ve been doing it for. It’s when we are so dropped in, so present in our expression, that we don’t know what’s going on around us and are just purely in body, in our authentic, erotic essence.
This is when in Esoerotic Alchemy we’ve reached Citrinitas.
In Esoerotic Gnosis we are rewriting our reality from the inside out by aligning our subconscious self with whatever it is we are feeling, experiencing, and expressing in our bodies when dropped into this magickal state. That is the key: it’s what we are embodying when we reach our state of Gnosis. Not what we look like, not the precision of our movement, and not what others project upon us.
And when an Esoerotic Gnosis ritual is executed in an intentional and empowered way, some of the most common subconscious beliefs we can anchor-in include:
“This body is mine.”
“This sexuality is mine.”
“It feels safe to express my sexuality.”
“I feel empowered in my sexuality.”
“It feels frickin’ good to be in my body.”
“My sexuality is for my own pleasure.”
Reclaiming our sexual sovereignty, bodily autonomy, and primal wisdom is the alchemical transformation we experience through Esoeroticism. Feeling perhaps for the first time in our lives what it is like to experience our sexual energy in a way that is autonomous, pleasurable, and safe.
In our body, not our minds. Without judgment or the need for external validation. Independent of—and despite—past indiscretions or abuse (if you are the victim of sexual abuse, please seek guidance from a certified counselor or therapist before starting this practice.)
And as with all things, it becomes more potent and ingrained with repetition and can eventually override previous disenfranchised perceptions and associations. We can literally shift our subconscious from believing that our sexuality is shameful, unsafe, and meant to please others into knowing—inherently—that it is empowered, safe to express, and for our own damn pleasure!
At the same time, we can shift from battling and judging the appearance of our bodies into feeling good and turned on by them.
And ultimately, these sovereign reclamations are what return us to our primal wisdom—our knowing that lies deep within us that has been silenced through the shame, judgement, fear, and disassociation.
Again, reauthorizing our reality from the inside out.
Esoerotic Gnosis is the magickal portal through which we access the Stage of Citrinitas, where we integrate the “purified” self accessed during Albedo with our new self-sourced identity.
It’s a creative process where we don’t just conceive information, we embody it as a lived truth and are no longer seeking without, but rather radiating from within.
And this is where both ourselves and the world around us truly transform.
It’s the dawn of the new day, from which we are ready to move through the final stage of our spiritual alchemy: Rubedo (Reddening).
Stage 4: Rubedo (Reddening)
As a reminder:
In Nigredo we descended into our shadow to reveal where we’ve repressed and resisted aspects of ourselves. In our Esoerotic alchemy, this is where we excavate and reveal the repression and resistance—the shame, the judgement, the disassociation—we subconsciously possess around our bodies and our sexuality.
Then in Albedo we “healed” through expressing and integrating that which we once repressed and rejected. In Esoerotic alchemy, this is where we use our dance and erotic movement to bring to consciousness the energetic emotions, beliefs, and programs that were unknowingly hiding in our shadow self—those unknowingly keeping us in resistance from fully claiming our sexual sovereignty and bodily autonomy.
Next in Citrinitas we rewrote our realities from the inside out through accessing the magickal state of Esoerotic Gnosis during our body-based ritual. This was the reclamation of our sovereign, autonomous truth.
In the final stage of Rubedo (Reddening), our work is integrated and we return to the world as our fully realized self having unified the conscious ego with the subconscious psyche.
This resurrection is considered the pinnacle of the spiritual Magnum Opus.
Carl Jung considered this the state of human individuation—it is the stage of completion where our shadow and light are no longer in conflict and our expression in the world becomes effortless because there are no longer aspects of ourselves that are hidden or divided.
This is also the stage where we reveal the Philosopher’s Stone, but before we get into that, let’s clarify how this applies to Esoeroticism, specifically.
As cited earlier, the result of our Esoerotic alchemy is the reclamation of our sexual sovereignty, bodily autonomy, and primal wisdom.
But what does this look like?
It’s no longer internalizing the shame you’ve been carrying so it can (finally) return to its rightful owner.
It’s no longer accepting a life that requires you to remain numb and instead aligning with a life that feels electric and turned-on.
It’s no longer basing your value on being chosen and instead basing it on choosing yourself—wholly and unapologetically.
It’s no longer shrinking to fit youth-based beauty standards and instead embracing the beauty of your imperfectly perfect aging body.
It’s no longer listening to external authorities and instead trusting your primal knowing.
More tangibly, I see people leave toxic relationships, pursue work that excites them, end compulsory dieting cycles, find communities where they are celebrated, no longer settle for crumbs, and choose to be the creatrix versus the victim of their life.
This stage is associated with redness because it’s when we reintroduce life—through blood, vitality, and eros!
As I previously stated, this form of spiritual alchemy requires us to rewrite our realities from the inside out, so though I can share the process with you here in written form, and you can only consciously conceive of the process, it can truly only be experienced in-body.
Which was my original point of this alchemical journey: to challenge conventional wisdom that the Great Work must be masculinely rigid, linear, and disciplined.
Through Esoerotic alchemy, we move through the Magnum Opus through feminine feeling, non-linearity, and aliveness! We use our bodies—versus our minds—as a sacred tool to awaken profound spiritual connection, transformation, and illumination.
The Philosopher’s Stone
Through Rubedo, the Philosopher’s Stone is revealed.
In traditional alchemy, the Philosopher’s Stone is the substance that transmutes base metals such as lead into gold. In spiritual alchemy, it’s the state of awakening that leads us to our enlightened, fully realized, authentically expressed self.
But what is the Philosopher’s Stone, exactly?
As I’ve learned from one of my favorite magickal teachers, Damien Echols, it is a state of embodied presence. Which may sound supremely simple, yet it is a surprisingly challenging state to reach!
I went more into detail about Esoerotic Gnosis above in Citrinitas, and the Philosopher’s Stone is actually what we are evoking through this ritualistic technique. You’ll also find this enigmatic state cultivated through many martial arts practices, and it is the elusive consciousness achieved when in a flow state.
When you are in a state of embodied presence, you are no longer in the conscious, thinking mind as you are when you’re doing things like reading, thinking, or conversing. Yet you’re also not in a state of disassociation as you would be when day dreaming, watching a movie, or “going through the motions”.
You are fully present but instead of actively thinking, you are actively expressing through the body.
The spiritual Philosopher’s Stone is how we access our self-sourced magick, rewrite our realities from the inside out, and transmute our lower “lead”, shadow aspects of ourselves into our higher “golden”, authentic essence.
The Cycle Continues…
And with this, the Great Work is complete, though truly, the work is never done.
The Magnum Opus is a life-long pursuit—a “refinement” as I stated earlier—because we will always be in flux through the human experience.
And so the cycle continues as we return to Nigredo…
Thank you so much for joining me for this journey through Esoerotic Alchemy.
Whereas many somatic practices are rooted in science, Esoeroticism was conceived and continues to develop through the lens of magick. And it is my hope that one day you too get to experience the alchemical transformation of this modality.